My last birthday, which was days ago, is my 30th Birthday.
Age 30 is something, I believed that. For some days prior to my birthday, I feel a little itchy on how is going to feel to be someone whose age begin with the number 3.
I remember when I turned 20, I feel suddenly OLD. Gosh, I left my 1- something aged to be 2- something! And now, 10 years has passed and the number changed.
Recently as my last post, I feel (again) bored with Life, as it rolled day by day with no surprise, as if I just life to reach Death. Some major things happens after I wrote that blog, my friend Joseph passed away and it makes me totally ashamed of myself, of said something like in my last blog (hidup menunggu mati) while someone with my age has to leave this world with the commonest, yet unsolved hitch in Jakarta, the one he always fought with: Dengue Fever!
On the night of the birthday, I lied on my bed and thought hard, try to get reminiscences of my life. Suddenly I remembered this movie: 13 going 30, or in some countries: Suddenly 30. In that movie, played by one of my favorite actress, Jen Gardner, the main character feels disappointed after being bullied by the popular girls in her school and she makes a wish that she will leave the age of 13 and reach the happy life in her 30-ies. She turned 30 in seconds but soon realized that the Happy 30 that she wished for, comes with certain consequences, and it is not as happy as she use to define.
Now as I am already 30, I tried to reverse the thought in the movie. What was my dream when I was 13? What was I dreamed of my 30th birthday when I was 13? To my surprise: I find it hard to remember it at all! I just remember that on 13 I was struggling with my Sport Teacher who give me bad marks for Sport Education, I met one my best friend Wulan, I adore Tommy Page and Jon Knight, and my dream could be just how to be accepted in the All woman High School with Dormitory !
What was my career dream at that time? Not a doctor of course or even a Pharmaceutical doctor like I am now. Yes, I already thinking of winning a world known prize like Nobel or Pulitzer (still not reached); contribute something big to the world (not sure in the process of reaching it), worked in the office with computers, traveling all over the world from time to time (well, already reached), write my own book (is blog count?), but to life this life? Not a very similar life in essence, but still different in shape.
So, do I have my Happy 30 life? If I looked back on my life when I was 13, ups, seems that life in that time is harder and borer. My current life is more colorful, more complex-problematicosis (new disease I just created), and may be more interesting. Or does it interesting because on my journey to reach 30, I have learned so much, a process of growing old (not up), and the process to accept that I am A human being, just a human being.
I might not have my Happy 30 life, but I just begin my Human life. Hope it would be out of the ordinary!
"The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits."